Susan I enjoyed your epiphany! It is amazing how ( you, me, and legions of …blush, but I’ll say it…) intelligent accommodators can go thru life not knowing core things about ourselves! Go for it, girl! ( and send photos).
Thanks much for understanding, Tyson! It's really embarrassing to realize how many years (and how many moves) I've spent fitting my needs to the perceived needs of the people I love. That is so not my image of me! But it's how I have been behaving. And now, I have no idea where I am going, but this house has sold out from under me, so I'm going somewhere.... :)
Susan, it takes a lot of courage to follow the breadcrumbs, detours and U-turns. What a long, strange trip it’s been, eh? Congratulations on shifting those ancient caretaking patterns & listening to that still, small voice that is guiding you home. Home to yourself🌻
Can’t wait to see the photo of the house you find that’s truly yours💫
Lee, this life IS a long, strange trip. Thank you for affirming that. And I admit to being honestly embarrassed that I didn't figure myself out before now. I write memoir! (Two so far of my 13 books, both award-winners.) How could I have missed this huge realization? As one of Kurt Vonnegut's characters said, "I am a slow realizer." Yup, that's me.
I can't wait to find my dream place, and I will definitely share photos when that happens. In the meantime, off I go into the unknown in a month....
Lee, I figure that when we have learned everything, that's when we transition to whatever is next after this life. I'm glad I'm still learning, because I am not done living!
Thank you, Linda! I haven't reached the terror stage yet, but I suspect I'll get there if the dream place doesn't appear in a few weeks. Because I have to be packed and out of this house in mid-June (unless I negotiate a rent-back agreement). Eek! Still, I'm proud of myself for a big, big epiphany.
I admire you for being open and honest with your epiphany, sharing it with us and having the courage to go for it. That first house (with the mind changing seller) just wasn't in the cards. It's been my experience, that when I knew in my gut what my soul and heart most needed I just put my head down and plowed on. Then everything fell into place, sometimes not the way I expected it sometimes. It may take a bit of time and there might be some twists that are yet to happen which will put you in that place of your heart. May it be so. All the best. I'm excited for you.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your support, Deborah! As I've said here in other contexts, sharing the stories from my life that feel like they'd be useful to others is what I do as a memoir writer (two of my 13 books are memoir), so that part isn't really difficult for me. The harder part is figuring out what the useful part is! Also, going for it is my natural inclination. I have always colored outside the lines and heeded my intuition. Sometimes that's gotten me into trouble, but I learn pretty quickly too. :) Blessings to you.
Wow!! You are mazing. Now that I'm retired, I still wonder at a supervisor of mine once said: What are you doing working with that old woman (in her 70's, which I am now). She's too old to benefit from therapy. When I worked with her anyway, she said: You were right. She has benefitted from therapy. We're never too old to learn or too old to move on!
Phyllis, I can't believe anyone would say that! Good for you for working with a woman your supervisor dismissed (so arrogant) and for helping her learn and grow. You are exactly right: we are never too old to learn and move on. Blessings to you.
Susan, when Bill and I married nearly 40 years ago, we spent the first 2 years looking for "our place"--from NE Maine to NW Washington state and places in-between. Bill already owned 5 unlovely acres 40 mi from anywhere, down 3 miles of very bad road in the Texas Hill Country. One day (I still remember it vividly), we both had the same "bloom where you're planted" epiphany: it's not the *place* it's the acceptance of who we are where we are. Hoping the next move on your courageous journey plants you there. 💕
Susan A, I love this story! I don't think you told it exactly like this in Together, Alone: A Memoir of Marriage and Place. I'm so glad you and Bill had that "bloom where you're planted" epiphany and that those unlovely acres have given you such a wonderful home, as you've restored and expanded your place there. Thank you for that benediction too. Hugs to you.
I think in the memoir I left out the second thoughts that took that second year's travel to resolve. Even after the seed is planted, it sometimes takes it a while to germinate and put down its first roots. 😊As you know . . .
Oh, those second thoughts! (And third thoughts and fourth thoughts....) I understand that completely. And yes, the seed sometimes is very slow to germinate. As my story illustrates!
I look forward to hearing more about the home (or homes) that you find for yourself. I have to say that the title of this piece, "Habitual Accommodation," is inspired. It also made me think about you, me, and a mess of other people (all women, imagine that).
Christina, Thank you! It's embarrassing for me to realize how deeply that habitual accommodation has reached into my life, including my spiritual life. I guess mostly because I think of myself as being self-aware, but this behavior began so early and is buried under so many layers. I think I will be unlearning and learning about this for a long time. :)
You definitely don't need to be embarrassed. You are speaking to a lot of people's experiences and truths, even if those experiences show up in different ways for different people. There really are layers to this sort of thing: family, spiritual, cultural, etc. I even think there are things in higher education that have reinforced my need to please others.
Thanks for understanding so fully, Christina. I agree that there are lots of layers to this kind of habitual behavior, and certainly for me because I adopted it so early (even if not consciously). Your comment about higher education reminded me of my late husband's tenure year, and my realization that it wasn't about the grants he brought in, the research he did, the grad students he mentored, or his body of published work--what mattered most in his tenure review was fitting in to his department and college, which is incredibly subjective. It's tribal, and I would guess it was for you too. That's a nugget to chew on....
Susan, no chagrin necessary. We live in a culture where silent expecations train us to put ourselves second or even lower. We are so complicated, aren't we? The most important part of your story is that you are taking action! I know a change is needed but I am currently in the stuck mode, trying to plan my own action. I look forward to your updates.
Sue, we are indeed complicated. And our learnings are like grief, they have their own schedules and take their own time, no matter how much we want to rush them. I think that when we're "stuck," it's because we are just not quite ready and/or don't have all of the inciting information to make a change. And that's okay. The time will come....
Sue, sometimes we aren’t stuck, but we’re standing still and letting go (and perhaps grieving) what no longer fits us. That can take time. Lean into it and be patient with your transformation.
I love following the story of your soul’s journey! It resonates so deeply. I am now inhibited by a complex chronic illness but my introspection has taken a new turn lately. Much if what I have said I wanted isn’t really true. I’m going to pay attention more closely following your example..
Kathryn, I think that we are so deeply conditioned to fit our wants around what we think will make us "good" people or gain others' approval, that we don't realize how we are limiting ourselves. It takes a big change or some big event (like a complex chronic illness) to crack open our habitual lives and allow the light of epiphany in. And then figuring out how to make sense of it, what is true, and what we'll do with the new and sometimes difficult knowledge is a whole other journey, whether metaphorical or literal. Your introspection and the balm of watching nature in your yard will lead you to what you need to understand, I am sure. I have faith in you.
Your thoughts read almost the same as mine that I posted a few days ago. I bought the last home in Boise to accommodate my ailing father, the bank of south facing windows so he could sit there and be warm in the winter, etc. and it goes on and on. Funny how our eclectic minds run along the same path. If you get in a bind, bring a bedroll and come on over. We deserve this right to find what makes US happy at this stage of our lives. Hooray for you!
Susan N, Ah yes, eclectic minds and the time of life moving us along similar realizations. And now here you are in your sweet refuge with the treehouse for writing--you found your happy spot, and good on you for it. Mine will appear, and with luck, before I am living in a storage unit.... :)
Many men were raised to be caregivers and to ignore their wants and needs, too.This frequently happens because they are forced to become caregivers to younger siblings, disabled parents, or drug/alcohol addicted parents. There are other reasons, of course. I am one of them.
I'm in my late 60s now and still struggle with discovering what I want and where I want to be. I've/we've moved all over during childhoods and lives. I've become adaptable to different places and homes, but rarely felt like I had found "my place." There's a big difference between adaptability and wanting/ needing your place in the world.
Where we are now is not my place, but it was determined by where are grown children and grandchildren live. I don't expect to move again. I just don't have it in me anymore. I feel as if my clock has run out and my journey to find my place has ended.
I'm glad to hear that you've finally found your place. It's somehow satisfying to hear that someone has succeeded.
You are right, and my apologies for not including caregiving men in my comments. Thank you for being that caregiver, and for giving your heart and time to your family. They are fortunate. I urge you to turn your attention to you, to spend time thinking about what makes your spirit feel full, and take steps to give yourself the care you have clearly given others.
As for place, one possibility is to find your place without needing to move there. I think of spending time in retreat at some place that speaks to you. What is it that the place where you live now does not give you? Are you longing for the ocean or a lake or a river? Do you need the balm of high ridges, or dense forests, or perhaps long views of distant horizons? Would your soul be filled by the view of the stars in a dark night sky? Perhaps spending time brainstorming what speaks to you in a place, writing down whatever comes to mind, and then visiting some places that meet those needs, perhaps on your own, perhaps with others. Once you find a place or places that fill you up, schedule regular retreats there, time away for you to just be you and nurture your spirit. That could give you what you need without the huge effort to uproot and move. You could still have proximity to kids and grandkids, and also have time of your own in a place that nurtures you.
Susan, these words are so rich in many ways. I have found a place that does renew my soul and it is the place I'd like to live full time, although circumstances at this time do not allow that to occur. Perhaps some day, however in the meantime I read books about that location, I visit there, I get their local newsletters, etc. It keeps me in touch and it fills me on some level. I will continue to meditate on your comment. Thanks again!
It seems to me that we can "belong" to a place without living there by doing just what you are doing: being involved in learning about and coming to know the place. And sometimes a place is best as somewhere we don't live, so that it stays fresh and sacred as a retreat-space, a refuge that fills us up so we can return to our quotidian days renewed, without the place becoming ordinary itself.
Thank you for sharing this Robert. I am a retired family therapist and over my career experienced this many times with men being caregivers. I also wanted to comment on your sentence, "There's a big difference between adaptability and wanting/ needing your place in the world" as I so identified with this statement. I have said to Susan before that I have such a desire to be in a different place but do not see that happening for multiple reasons. It is something I live with, although not easy. Like you, I am happy to see Susan moving forward as it still gives me hope. Thanks again.
You make a good point here that my comment didn't address, I think. The people I can personally think of with this issue are women, but that definitely doesn't mean that men never face this. Since you've mentioned it, I'm wondering about where my grandfather might have wanted to live. My grandmother had moved so many times in her life that she used to say, "They are only getting me out of this house when I'm dead," or words to that effect. That actually is what happened. But I also don't remember my grandfather saying what he wanted.
That is a very telling story, Christina. It's interesting to think about the kinds of family behaviors we "inherit." The way we value place and home and the balancing acts we learn between couples--which partner's needs are met and when, and who gives way without even ever expressing it are all fascinating to me. Seems to me that there could be insights to be gained in this.
I really enjoy your writing and the observations you make. I too feel that once finding my forever home 5 years ago has changed in my mind as the rural setting I assumed it was has changed dramatically over the last years and agree, to find a location that affords a view is everything! I look forward to what you find on this wonderful adventure.
Cynthia, That is a wise and interesting observation: looking for a forever home implies that neither the place nor we will change. Which of course won't happen. What we can hope for is that we and the place change in tandem or at least in ways that don't make our relationship irrevocably difficult. I hope that for you and your place. As for me, I'm wide-eyed with wonder and not a little anxious, but I'm going with the flow....
Congratulations, Susan, how exciting. I love your epiphany. Isn't life interesting? And in many ways becomes more so as we age. I can't wait to follow along on your journey to the "house of YOUR dreams."
Life is sometimes way too interesting, Sue! But here we are, walking along with as much openness as we can manage, and embracing what comes as best we can. Thanks for the support. :)
Kelly, it is definitely the more-populated part that's the problem. This was the practical choice, and I should know I have never been good at sticking with practical! And you are correct, though I'm not ready to go public with that quite yet. Still looking.....
Lovely reflection and insight, Susan. And what a cool childhood photo! In the decade or so that I have known you, I have developed a great admiration for your energy, creativity, and ability to transform each new place you find into a special home. Someday I expect you will find a place you and your soul will be comfortable with for a while, but I'm not sure there is any urgency or need for finality about that. Hugs, explorer and maker of wonderful places. T
Tom, thank you! What a lovely compliment. And the urgency is in me. I am so ready to be settled and not move again. Also, my house is selling out from under me, so I do need a place to go! Hugs back to you in your beautiful landscape way over the horizon....
Brava, brava, Susan! What an uncomfortable, perfect spot to be in—no place to go yet but holding out for the dream. A magical spot! I look forward to the unfolding. <3
Thank you, Priscilla. I thought of you and all of your moves as I wrote this piece. I am so glad you landed where you did, and it is nourishing for you. As for this uncomfortable and creative liminal space, eeek! I know I need to be patient and what I seek will somehow materialize (and I hope I recognize it). But patience is so not my virtue! Hugs back to you.
That's a powerful realization. You will find the right home for you because you cleared the blocks from your subconscious.
I wonder what was going on with the seller of the house that kept coming on and off the market. I don't believe this person is ready to let that house go.
Patricia, It really is a powerful realization. And one that will probably take me the rest of my life to completely integrate, assuming I can completely integrate it! Thank you for your reassuring words: I truly hope I have cleared enough of the blocks from my subconscious. I guess I'll find out....
As for the seller, all I will say is that I wish her peace and ease with whatever comes. Sometimes it's best not to know what is going on. :)
Susan I enjoyed your epiphany! It is amazing how ( you, me, and legions of …blush, but I’ll say it…) intelligent accommodators can go thru life not knowing core things about ourselves! Go for it, girl! ( and send photos).
Thanks much for understanding, Tyson! It's really embarrassing to realize how many years (and how many moves) I've spent fitting my needs to the perceived needs of the people I love. That is so not my image of me! But it's how I have been behaving. And now, I have no idea where I am going, but this house has sold out from under me, so I'm going somewhere.... :)
Susan, it takes a lot of courage to follow the breadcrumbs, detours and U-turns. What a long, strange trip it’s been, eh? Congratulations on shifting those ancient caretaking patterns & listening to that still, small voice that is guiding you home. Home to yourself🌻
Can’t wait to see the photo of the house you find that’s truly yours💫
Lee, this life IS a long, strange trip. Thank you for affirming that. And I admit to being honestly embarrassed that I didn't figure myself out before now. I write memoir! (Two so far of my 13 books, both award-winners.) How could I have missed this huge realization? As one of Kurt Vonnegut's characters said, "I am a slow realizer." Yup, that's me.
I can't wait to find my dream place, and I will definitely share photos when that happens. In the meantime, off I go into the unknown in a month....
Maybe you can only recognize your dream place from the complete and scary freedom of having
no place…
If we’re not learning while we’re living, what are we even doing?!
🤣
Lee, I figure that when we have learned everything, that's when we transition to whatever is next after this life. I'm glad I'm still learning, because I am not done living!
👏👏👏🥰
Reminds me of a line I love in Malamud's The Natural: “I think we have two lives... the life we learn with and the life we live after that."
I so understand and support you 100%. Will follow closely ...
Thank you, Linda! I haven't reached the terror stage yet, but I suspect I'll get there if the dream place doesn't appear in a few weeks. Because I have to be packed and out of this house in mid-June (unless I negotiate a rent-back agreement). Eek! Still, I'm proud of myself for a big, big epiphany.
I admire you for being open and honest with your epiphany, sharing it with us and having the courage to go for it. That first house (with the mind changing seller) just wasn't in the cards. It's been my experience, that when I knew in my gut what my soul and heart most needed I just put my head down and plowed on. Then everything fell into place, sometimes not the way I expected it sometimes. It may take a bit of time and there might be some twists that are yet to happen which will put you in that place of your heart. May it be so. All the best. I'm excited for you.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your support, Deborah! As I've said here in other contexts, sharing the stories from my life that feel like they'd be useful to others is what I do as a memoir writer (two of my 13 books are memoir), so that part isn't really difficult for me. The harder part is figuring out what the useful part is! Also, going for it is my natural inclination. I have always colored outside the lines and heeded my intuition. Sometimes that's gotten me into trouble, but I learn pretty quickly too. :) Blessings to you.
Wow!! You are mazing. Now that I'm retired, I still wonder at a supervisor of mine once said: What are you doing working with that old woman (in her 70's, which I am now). She's too old to benefit from therapy. When I worked with her anyway, she said: You were right. She has benefitted from therapy. We're never too old to learn or too old to move on!
Phyllis, I can't believe anyone would say that! Good for you for working with a woman your supervisor dismissed (so arrogant) and for helping her learn and grow. You are exactly right: we are never too old to learn and move on. Blessings to you.
Susan, when Bill and I married nearly 40 years ago, we spent the first 2 years looking for "our place"--from NE Maine to NW Washington state and places in-between. Bill already owned 5 unlovely acres 40 mi from anywhere, down 3 miles of very bad road in the Texas Hill Country. One day (I still remember it vividly), we both had the same "bloom where you're planted" epiphany: it's not the *place* it's the acceptance of who we are where we are. Hoping the next move on your courageous journey plants you there. 💕
Susan A, I love this story! I don't think you told it exactly like this in Together, Alone: A Memoir of Marriage and Place. I'm so glad you and Bill had that "bloom where you're planted" epiphany and that those unlovely acres have given you such a wonderful home, as you've restored and expanded your place there. Thank you for that benediction too. Hugs to you.
I think in the memoir I left out the second thoughts that took that second year's travel to resolve. Even after the seed is planted, it sometimes takes it a while to germinate and put down its first roots. 😊As you know . . .
Oh, those second thoughts! (And third thoughts and fourth thoughts....) I understand that completely. And yes, the seed sometimes is very slow to germinate. As my story illustrates!
I look forward to hearing more about the home (or homes) that you find for yourself. I have to say that the title of this piece, "Habitual Accommodation," is inspired. It also made me think about you, me, and a mess of other people (all women, imagine that).
Christina, Thank you! It's embarrassing for me to realize how deeply that habitual accommodation has reached into my life, including my spiritual life. I guess mostly because I think of myself as being self-aware, but this behavior began so early and is buried under so many layers. I think I will be unlearning and learning about this for a long time. :)
You definitely don't need to be embarrassed. You are speaking to a lot of people's experiences and truths, even if those experiences show up in different ways for different people. There really are layers to this sort of thing: family, spiritual, cultural, etc. I even think there are things in higher education that have reinforced my need to please others.
Thanks for understanding so fully, Christina. I agree that there are lots of layers to this kind of habitual behavior, and certainly for me because I adopted it so early (even if not consciously). Your comment about higher education reminded me of my late husband's tenure year, and my realization that it wasn't about the grants he brought in, the research he did, the grad students he mentored, or his body of published work--what mattered most in his tenure review was fitting in to his department and college, which is incredibly subjective. It's tribal, and I would guess it was for you too. That's a nugget to chew on....
Susan, no chagrin necessary. We live in a culture where silent expecations train us to put ourselves second or even lower. We are so complicated, aren't we? The most important part of your story is that you are taking action! I know a change is needed but I am currently in the stuck mode, trying to plan my own action. I look forward to your updates.
Sue, we are indeed complicated. And our learnings are like grief, they have their own schedules and take their own time, no matter how much we want to rush them. I think that when we're "stuck," it's because we are just not quite ready and/or don't have all of the inciting information to make a change. And that's okay. The time will come....
Sue, sometimes we aren’t stuck, but we’re standing still and letting go (and perhaps grieving) what no longer fits us. That can take time. Lean into it and be patient with your transformation.
I love following the story of your soul’s journey! It resonates so deeply. I am now inhibited by a complex chronic illness but my introspection has taken a new turn lately. Much if what I have said I wanted isn’t really true. I’m going to pay attention more closely following your example..
Kathryn, I think that we are so deeply conditioned to fit our wants around what we think will make us "good" people or gain others' approval, that we don't realize how we are limiting ourselves. It takes a big change or some big event (like a complex chronic illness) to crack open our habitual lives and allow the light of epiphany in. And then figuring out how to make sense of it, what is true, and what we'll do with the new and sometimes difficult knowledge is a whole other journey, whether metaphorical or literal. Your introspection and the balm of watching nature in your yard will lead you to what you need to understand, I am sure. I have faith in you.
Your thoughts read almost the same as mine that I posted a few days ago. I bought the last home in Boise to accommodate my ailing father, the bank of south facing windows so he could sit there and be warm in the winter, etc. and it goes on and on. Funny how our eclectic minds run along the same path. If you get in a bind, bring a bedroll and come on over. We deserve this right to find what makes US happy at this stage of our lives. Hooray for you!
Susan N, Ah yes, eclectic minds and the time of life moving us along similar realizations. And now here you are in your sweet refuge with the treehouse for writing--you found your happy spot, and good on you for it. Mine will appear, and with luck, before I am living in a storage unit.... :)
Hi Susan,
Many men were raised to be caregivers and to ignore their wants and needs, too.This frequently happens because they are forced to become caregivers to younger siblings, disabled parents, or drug/alcohol addicted parents. There are other reasons, of course. I am one of them.
I'm in my late 60s now and still struggle with discovering what I want and where I want to be. I've/we've moved all over during childhoods and lives. I've become adaptable to different places and homes, but rarely felt like I had found "my place." There's a big difference between adaptability and wanting/ needing your place in the world.
Where we are now is not my place, but it was determined by where are grown children and grandchildren live. I don't expect to move again. I just don't have it in me anymore. I feel as if my clock has run out and my journey to find my place has ended.
I'm glad to hear that you've finally found your place. It's somehow satisfying to hear that someone has succeeded.
You are right, and my apologies for not including caregiving men in my comments. Thank you for being that caregiver, and for giving your heart and time to your family. They are fortunate. I urge you to turn your attention to you, to spend time thinking about what makes your spirit feel full, and take steps to give yourself the care you have clearly given others.
As for place, one possibility is to find your place without needing to move there. I think of spending time in retreat at some place that speaks to you. What is it that the place where you live now does not give you? Are you longing for the ocean or a lake or a river? Do you need the balm of high ridges, or dense forests, or perhaps long views of distant horizons? Would your soul be filled by the view of the stars in a dark night sky? Perhaps spending time brainstorming what speaks to you in a place, writing down whatever comes to mind, and then visiting some places that meet those needs, perhaps on your own, perhaps with others. Once you find a place or places that fill you up, schedule regular retreats there, time away for you to just be you and nurture your spirit. That could give you what you need without the huge effort to uproot and move. You could still have proximity to kids and grandkids, and also have time of your own in a place that nurtures you.
Susan, these words are so rich in many ways. I have found a place that does renew my soul and it is the place I'd like to live full time, although circumstances at this time do not allow that to occur. Perhaps some day, however in the meantime I read books about that location, I visit there, I get their local newsletters, etc. It keeps me in touch and it fills me on some level. I will continue to meditate on your comment. Thanks again!
It seems to me that we can "belong" to a place without living there by doing just what you are doing: being involved in learning about and coming to know the place. And sometimes a place is best as somewhere we don't live, so that it stays fresh and sacred as a retreat-space, a refuge that fills us up so we can return to our quotidian days renewed, without the place becoming ordinary itself.
None necessary, Susan.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this Robert. I am a retired family therapist and over my career experienced this many times with men being caregivers. I also wanted to comment on your sentence, "There's a big difference between adaptability and wanting/ needing your place in the world" as I so identified with this statement. I have said to Susan before that I have such a desire to be in a different place but do not see that happening for multiple reasons. It is something I live with, although not easy. Like you, I am happy to see Susan moving forward as it still gives me hope. Thanks again.
You make a good point here that my comment didn't address, I think. The people I can personally think of with this issue are women, but that definitely doesn't mean that men never face this. Since you've mentioned it, I'm wondering about where my grandfather might have wanted to live. My grandmother had moved so many times in her life that she used to say, "They are only getting me out of this house when I'm dead," or words to that effect. That actually is what happened. But I also don't remember my grandfather saying what he wanted.
That is a very telling story, Christina. It's interesting to think about the kinds of family behaviors we "inherit." The way we value place and home and the balancing acts we learn between couples--which partner's needs are met and when, and who gives way without even ever expressing it are all fascinating to me. Seems to me that there could be insights to be gained in this.
I really enjoy your writing and the observations you make. I too feel that once finding my forever home 5 years ago has changed in my mind as the rural setting I assumed it was has changed dramatically over the last years and agree, to find a location that affords a view is everything! I look forward to what you find on this wonderful adventure.
Cynthia, That is a wise and interesting observation: looking for a forever home implies that neither the place nor we will change. Which of course won't happen. What we can hope for is that we and the place change in tandem or at least in ways that don't make our relationship irrevocably difficult. I hope that for you and your place. As for me, I'm wide-eyed with wonder and not a little anxious, but I'm going with the flow....
Congratulations, Susan, how exciting. I love your epiphany. Isn't life interesting? And in many ways becomes more so as we age. I can't wait to follow along on your journey to the "house of YOUR dreams."
Life is sometimes way too interesting, Sue! But here we are, walking along with as much openness as we can manage, and embracing what comes as best we can. Thanks for the support. :)
i was wondering how you were doing being in a more populated and urban area... was the offer at a spot in paonia?
Kelly, it is definitely the more-populated part that's the problem. This was the practical choice, and I should know I have never been good at sticking with practical! And you are correct, though I'm not ready to go public with that quite yet. Still looking.....
Lovely reflection and insight, Susan. And what a cool childhood photo! In the decade or so that I have known you, I have developed a great admiration for your energy, creativity, and ability to transform each new place you find into a special home. Someday I expect you will find a place you and your soul will be comfortable with for a while, but I'm not sure there is any urgency or need for finality about that. Hugs, explorer and maker of wonderful places. T
Tom, thank you! What a lovely compliment. And the urgency is in me. I am so ready to be settled and not move again. Also, my house is selling out from under me, so I do need a place to go! Hugs back to you in your beautiful landscape way over the horizon....
Brava, brava, Susan! What an uncomfortable, perfect spot to be in—no place to go yet but holding out for the dream. A magical spot! I look forward to the unfolding. <3
Thank you, Priscilla. I thought of you and all of your moves as I wrote this piece. I am so glad you landed where you did, and it is nourishing for you. As for this uncomfortable and creative liminal space, eeek! I know I need to be patient and what I seek will somehow materialize (and I hope I recognize it). But patience is so not my virtue! Hugs back to you.
That's a powerful realization. You will find the right home for you because you cleared the blocks from your subconscious.
I wonder what was going on with the seller of the house that kept coming on and off the market. I don't believe this person is ready to let that house go.
Patricia, It really is a powerful realization. And one that will probably take me the rest of my life to completely integrate, assuming I can completely integrate it! Thank you for your reassuring words: I truly hope I have cleared enough of the blocks from my subconscious. I guess I'll find out....
As for the seller, all I will say is that I wish her peace and ease with whatever comes. Sometimes it's best not to know what is going on. :)