Lessons From Moving

Helpful for Any Big Decision

Hello Friends,

For those who are new to this newsletter, I’m coming to the end of my Year of Spiritual Thinking Project, the year I planned to focus on exploring nature-based spirituality at the home I had moved to as my last home. (You can read more about that in the newsletter archives.)

Only life had other ideas. Nine months into that year, surprise health news necessitated one more move.

Once I got over the shock, I determined to employ the attitude of openness to learning and possibilities from the Year of Spiritual Thinking project to this unexpected and uncomfortable life-change. I want to share with you the main lessons I learned in case they’re useful to you as you manage your own momentous life changes.

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Three Major Lessons I Learned

1. DISCARD PRECONCEPTIONS

Throw open all of the possibilities. Allow yourself to consider all options, even the ones you immediately dismiss as ridiculous or impossible. Don’t start by limiting yourself, because you never know when considering something that seems impossible will reveal previously unseen possibilities.

One way to become aware of preconceptions is to listen to how you frame things, whether aloud, silently in your head, or in writing.

As soon as you use the word “should,” for instance, stop and ask yourself, whose voice is that? “Should” is all too often more about all of the cultural and familial prohibitions and taboos we internalize. “Can’t” is another one. Whether those internal no-nos are about what careers/friends/partners are appropriate for you, or where you want to live, you probably don’t want them frame your choices.

When you identify a preconception, haul it out into the light of day—say it out loud or write it down. Ask yourself, Does this really apply to me at this point in my life? What would happen if I ignored it?

My first “can’t” came up right away, when I noticed myself thinking “I can’t afford to move. I won’t get back the money I’ve put into this house.” Which was true, if you judge strictly by the bottom line. But if you shift your perspective, as I eventually did, and consider, for instance, what I might have spent in rent instead, that amount could balance the loss.

Thinking of it that way reduced my financial anxiety. And reminded me that in the end, it’s only money. It’s important to think about the financial aspects of any major decision, but finances aren’t the only factor to consider, and not even necessarily the most important factor either. Money is helpful, but it is not everything, or even what lasts.

2. DO YOUR RESEARCH WITH BOTH HEAD AND HEART

Whatever decision you are wrestling with, make sure to “think” with both sides of your brain. Collect data, be logical, and also allow yourself to imagine and dream. In big life decisions like moving, how a particular decision-path feels to you, how your body responds, and what your heart yearns for deserve to be given at least as much weight as the lists of ten best cities to live in.

Remember that what you need might not be what others need, even those in your age-group, culture, economic strata, or, for that matter, your family.

In searching for a new “forever” place to settle at a lower elevation, I listened within. I knew that wherever I settled would have to feed my heart and spirit on a daily basis, as well as meet the other more objective criteria of housing and cost-of-living affordability, good medical care, and access to nature nearby.

Try this exercise from one of my newsletters on listening within to help you clarify how you feel. It’s framed as if for a move, but can be adapted for any major life-decision.

3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE YOUR MIND

What if that careful, thoughtful decision begins to feel wrong? I don’t mean the normal sort of second-guessing yourself, which you can usually get past by giving the whole thing a rest and letting your brain settle down. Go out for a walk, get a good dose of Vitamin N, meditate, or do whatever you do to calm your “monkey mind.” I mean the deep in the gut discomfort, the sense that this path is really not right for you.

It is absolutely okay to change your mind. No matter what. Very few decisions are irrevocable, and even if it’s a huge effort to turn the ship around, usually you can at least modify the course by degrees. Better to do that than make yourself profoundly unhappy or unhealthy.

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The living room post-paint (the peach tones don’t come through well in this photo, an artifact of the lighting).

On a personal note, yesterday and today were wall-painting days at my new house. The greige in the great room is now warm, pale peach in the living area and cheery light sunshine yellow in the hall and one wall of the dining area. (I’m still thinking about the kitchen, which has much less wall space, but it may go pale Taos blue.) The house is lighter and brighter, and the colors make me smile. What a difference paint makes!

May you find light and joy in your days too.

Blessings, Susan